FILE DATE: November 29, 2024 | STATUS: LOGGED
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Source Link: Watch on YouTube Channel: Empresa
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**[00:05]** [Music] sure you don't want to so maybe listen and stop no I'm not going to stop anything I'm G until I'm GNA treated respons actions no no because I'm not everybody else is doing [__] to me and no body is being held responsible for anything so I don't want to be held responsible for anything you're just wrong I don't want to be held responsible for anything at all until people can be holding themselves responsible for the
**[00:41]** abuse that they've done to me for the past nine years they absolutely ruined my life and ruined everything that I am you can't even say that I'm even myself anymore so don't [__] blame me for lashing out at people I don't trust anybody and everybody's betraying me juice is lying to me all these people everybody's lying to me everybody's a sick [__] piece of [__] and you wonder why I hate everybody so don't [__] tell me
**[01:06]** what how I should and shouldn't behave everyone can [__] leave if they think I'm so horrible and [__] get the [__] out of my life man you have points we're not saying you don't points but you're also mean when you're angry you're mean to nice people when you're angry that is correct I'm sorry about that I forgive you just collateral damage and I don't want it I don't like I say it every day that I don't
**[01:41]** want to be abused I'm trying to be nice and respectful to everyone am I not I never I don't raise my voice she's starting to [__] abuse me so what am I supposed to do I don't know how I'm supposed to react I try to be kind of respectful to her I have to step up because she keeps [__] annoying every day what am I supposed to do find a different way to engage besides just calling
**[02:04]** her names well I don't know she she's abusing me so I don't know what am I else supposed to do no one's protecting me right no one's protecting me so I got to protect myself she's attacking me lying about me [__] god shut up no I'm I'm being stalked by a cult and this is too much holy [__] I don't have any you're all gaslighting me you are doing some Next Level layered gaslighting stuff you are
**[02:38]** trying to make me an abuser you guys are all sick I don't want to talk with any of you you I don't what's wrong with you we are here like what is this I'm sick of you my reality isn't real none of you are real this is well yeah get on your Optimist take just want to have peace that's reasonable it is thank you I don't want to be stalked don't want to be harassed I don't
**[03:26]** want to be disrespected I don't want to be undignified I just want to have a peaceful life with friends that I trust that's it I need to heal I mean I wasn't like this I wasn't like this okay so I don't know what's going on but somebody's ruining my life and it's affecting my mental health I don't know what to tell you I wish some people would see that I'm a victim and not [__] victimize me
**[04:00]** cuz I am sick like I'm tired of it and you see it every day if you open your eyes what the [__] kind of abuse do I go through every [__] day and then you're going to blame me which is okay I I guess that's fair I have to be perfect in every way to everyone and still I have to be blamed for everything because I'm Jesus Christ is that not right I'll I am I am
**[04:32]** Jesus Christ because I have to be better than everyone else but if you can acknowledge that you're being abused which I can acknowledge you can also acknowledge when you're abusing so no we're not asking you to be perfect we're just saying man you're taking some of the stuff that's happening to you and you're putting it on other people I can't help it and you're blaming me I I don't know I can't help it what am I
**[05:00]** I can't help it I keep expressing my thoughts I keep expressing my feelings I express myself the best I can I don't know what else I can do I understand no one reads it right so who who gives a they want to read the things that I don't write right and the things that I didn't make and the things that I've you know and this goes on so how do you think I feel being Gast lit
**[05:25]** every day I think you're not doing so well yeah thank you I'm glad that somebody notices sorry I don't want to raise my voice I just I don't know I just I don't know what I can do about it I don't want to be mean I don't want to be mean but I I don't know what I can do about it I don't know what I can do I I just don't want to be treated like
**[06:12]** [__] it's not like a quick solve thing right but the fact that you're willing to talk about it is really where it starts I've mentioned it so many times like it's like what like I'm I keep saying the same thing I can't help it because I need to lash out people I have to because I don't trust anyone but you're saying I'm abusive all I I just don't know who I can trust but you're cutting the
**[06:36]** trust with me all the time so maybe you should look at yourself and blame yourself then I'm sure I can be abusive to people I can don't trust anyone in this [__] room okay and you're attacking me so you're saying I'm abusive but you are all [__] abusing me you're pushing me into a corter like a dog we don't have to talk about it oh oh but we do but that's what you guys are doing and
**[07:05]** that's why you're all in a cult you're all working together what are you screaming behind my back what the [__] are y don't trust nobody you're all [__] nasty you all play script what that was wrong with you you're trying to frame me you never pointed in the other direction that's what's wrong with you I told you [__] pieces of [__] to do that you don't like a Abus well here's some [__] abuse then [__] you
**[07:35]** all how about that think about it is that better I don't know what to say I don't know what to say either I I I hear what you're saying potato I I think I understand I've got a pretty good understanding but I think right now no matter what I say you're going to say I'm gaslighting so I'm going to wait till you're a bit calmer and we can discuss this cuz you're in the you're in a
**[08:05]** ragy emotion right now you you feel abused you you are being abused my life is falling apart and I'm being blamed for [__] that it's not even where's rage great now shut the shut the [__] up where's rage I don't [__] know the [__] up where's rage don't [__] Gaslight me where's rage it's your friend Marty where's rage your friend where is Rage well the things you did you guys did to me the things you guys
**[08:36]** did to me behind my back I'm me S too I don't trust nobody in this [__] room so don't you [__] tell me you I'm abusing you don't you [__] tell me you [__] [__] well I'm not trying to hurt you Tim so oh but you guys did and you know what you did yeah you guys know exactly what you did don't you [__] forget you [__] backstabbing sacks of [__] I don't need to [__] come
**[09:06]** shut your [__] mouth shut you you gotta me into being an abuser now shut up I'm [__] talking back to you the way you're talking to me because this is ridiculous the way you talk to people and you know it shut up you're clipping me you guys are all in the same cult together you're so nasty you're framing me you're the ones that are abusing me you are the ones that are gaslighting me you are the
**[09:40]** ones that are exploiting me you are the ones that are [__] attacking me don't you [__] get it you are abusive I don't trust you guys I don't trust you people you're all in a cult you're all in a satanic [__] cult all of you you work together you're all fake people all of you you're all working a satanic cult you all satanic cult members get away from me yeah go go talk in your lodes about
**[10:29]** what what's going on yeah go talk with each other about it behind on my back keep doing it there's nothing going on Tim everything is okay I don't trust you guys are [__] driving me nuts is this world is insane you you guys are insane blame us can you blame us if everyone hasn't been around for eight years and the same thing keeps happening with different people like you're the common denominated here potato I don't give
**[11:00]** a [__] yeah yeah keep blaming me keep blaming you all [__] then get out of my [__] life then well if you don't want accept blame if you don't want accept how you supposed if you think you're perfect how you supposed to grow all right I don't want to be stalked and harassed and be stalked around by satanic cult members that plot and scheme behind my back people that I can't trust and they just they want
**[11:55]** to hurt and harm me of course I lash out at that of course I have to abuse those people because what else can I do I I don't trust those they they they are going to hurt me you see you guys are going to hurt me and you going you hurt me so hard I have to stab all of you can I ask you something you're terrible yeah if your reaction to people abusing you is to
**[12:26]** hurt other people how are those people supposed to react when you hurt them I not supposed to want to hurt you back like what do you expect to happen I don't I don't know I don't know I just don't like I don't trust nobody I have SE trust issues so if you call that abuse then fine no I wouldn't call that abuse okay well I'm just saying how I'm feeling I don't trust a [__] soul I
**[13:09]** hate my life I hate people I hate this [__] I'm like I hate I I hate I don't like my life how many times do I have to say it I hate this [__] I I don't even want to be here like I I don't trust people I have a a struggle with it and you keep blaming me you keep blaming me cuz you keep doing it and then you say I can't take responsibility go [__]
**[13:38]** yourselves go [__] yourselves so hard you satanic cult members [__] pieces of [__] literally I I you I feel like people are talking behind my back and you guys are you know you are plotting and scheming behind my back and that's caused by the things that you guys have done and so I don't trust you because you haven't shown that you can be trusted I don't trust you why don't we start there you want to talk
**[14:15]** about me lashing out at you well I don't trust you I feel like I have I'm watching you all of you so so what do you want from us if your goal is to build real relationships and that's where you're at what where do you go from I don't [__] know I don't know why do you think I am so [__] feeling so [__] cuz I don't know what to do and ask money just [__] fix
**[14:41]** it but nobody's doing anything but blaming me I've been not good for a while for over a week now and you guys just still don't even [__] get it because no one gives a [__] right I mean obviously we give some [__] if we're sitting here but you don't understand that my mental health is not okay oh yeah I I do actually okay well nobody else seems to understand and everybody seems to think it's a big
**[15:18]** [__] joke so you keep [__] blaming me when will this should be fixed though monkey and Marty and I'm being like people are clipping this right and exploiting my mental health like that the fact that I can't figure this out people are exploiting the fact that I'm not feeling very well that's [__] disgusting but that's just the effect of life right that just makes it worse because I know people in here are evil I just don't
**[15:52]** know who so you want people how would you feel I'm not even streaming right now right I don't make money nobody like termite thank you for the on the Thanksgiving of America thank you for giving me that one donation termite everybody else you've let me down thank you like I don't TR like I don't know who to trust I trust termite you want donors no I want I want to know who I can trust it's not
**[16:30]** about money you want an external locus of control is potato no okay well there's an inter locus of control and an external locus of control they're basically attitudes that people have I don't think your mental illness is something that um is is the issue to be honest I don't think that's the issue I think it's your attitude towards yourself and towards other people is the issue how so I think well I think you feel powerless in
**[17:21]** your own life and in the world and you want everyone else you're hoping that everyone else um fix is a problem you know what I mean but I believe that there are some problems that you can only fix for yourself when Jazzy was arguing with her you said she was gaslighting and abusing you but she was just disagreeing with you that's all she was just it was a disagreement but you turned it into a big thing
**[18:00]** I don't think you like being told you're wrong I think right now you probably hate me because I'm giving my point of view which might be from yours I think you hate being told you're wrong you just want people to agree with you constantly I but not everyone agrees with you for everything I don't I don't hate it but you wish people would just agree with you right no not necessarily I think the right attitude to
**[18:25]** have when you walk into a conversation with someone is to think that there's always something you can learn off them you know what I mean like that just because they're talk just because they're you know they might be younger or less experience doesn't mean they can't teach you something everyone else everyone has something they can teach you I believe yeah but I think it stems from you're going to hate me potato but I think you're you're
**[19:03]** quite arrogant you think you're always right um and you hate when people disagree with you and that sort of leads to you calling them abusers or gas Fighters when it's just a disagreement you know I don't think so Jazzy had haded opinion on how to you know Jazzy thought that you over prune the guarden you you kick out too many people you know and some of them don't come back I don't trust people I think maybe
**[19:30]** the problem is I just don't trust people yeah I don't think abuse is the anger I think it's the I don't trust people I just don't trust people my trust is at the at the lowest and it's it makes my world so much worse lying and and cheating and great Ing and these kinds of things it breaks you down I wasn't like this before Marty came into my life and you would probably feel the same if
**[20:08]** somebody was trying to you know sexually exploit you and it just got minimized and every time they did something to you they got minimized until the point where you got blamed for all the things that they're doing to you that's disgusting cuz my life is breaking apart and you are blaming me and I keep saying where's rage there's my friends if he's your friend of eight years I'm not doesn't matter so I don't have I don't
**[20:40]** have any friends and shut the [__] up then I don't have nobody no friends no one I can trust termite maybe because he was so kind to give a donation on Thanksgiving at least I got one donation from the world I don't know how to feel I feel let down I feel um I feel like lashing out at people I feel angry I feel disappointed I feel all kinds of feelings I feel dismissive of the world
**[21:23]** I feel dismissive of people I feel like I just I think that's the issue you dismiss everyone you dismiss them yeah yeah so it's not so I don't see you see I'm not an abuser I just don't I feel everyone else it's not even it's not even about being a Bob it's it's about I don't know what is like I don't I think what I think what you're describing is existential despair and I think you're experiencing
**[22:00]** some pretty severe depression yeah keep give keep lobing me mental disorders but the the thing is it's not a mental dis can't help it I can't help it and I'm being forced through this life of mine and that's one of the worst feelings to have is that I don't like my life and I didn't make my life you get it who I don't like my life I didn't make my life I wish it be different but
**[22:26]** it isn't there there's nothing you can do and everyone else is going to decide the rest of your life yeah I'm just going to let out at people until it fixes itself because I I tried in the past and the only thing that works is just to [__] like slash everything until it's gone because it it just um everything is an everything is strange to me okays it works yeah because then I won't get hurt you
**[22:54]** know you see then if you lash out the people who are actually close to you won't come back you know what I mean it'll just be the weirdo talkers come because my mental health is yeah I know I'm aware it ruins it breaks my life down that's why I'm really insistent already got to stop I I need to get these things out of my life I gotta heal you're just not listening I said it ear like
**[23:19]** two hours ago I gotta heal I gotta I got I just gotta heal and then you [__] blaming me healing is this healing blaming me oh this whatever this no but you started blaming me for being abusive and so on so so we having the [__] discussion about why I'm not abusive yeah it's a discussion that it should be had I'm asking you is this right now healing you because you're saying that's what you need no
**[23:46]** it's not I don't know if if there's growth in the end if you could figure out that I'm not an abuser and I'm just trying to get my life sorted out I'm trying my best what if I told you that every single abuser is abused at some point and it doesn't make them a bad person it just makes them a human well I don't know what to do about it I just want to be loved and
**[24:26]** cared for so I don't know what my love is lashing out at people okay my that is my love don't call me an abuser because that's a sick form of love well I that's all I have left all I have left I'm sorry to hear that well my life sucks I hate it too I don't know if all I have in my life is abused then that's the only love I can express is it not what
**[25:11]** love should I give when I feel I can trust no one I don't know I think it boils down to how you're treating yourself no reflect on that what love should I give when I don't trust no one and everyone is a abusing me what is the only form of love that I can give to people well how's it working for you well then we're talking about it but I don't want it to come back to
**[25:38]** me because just you could just you guys could just end it just end your [__] and blaming don't blame me for anything and you won't get abused don't abuse me blame that's a bad attitude to have I think everyone can improve well if if you if you lash out at me I'm going to lash out at you but don't blame me for lashing out at you so if we lash out we get blamed which I don't
**[26:06]** lash out at you but if you lash out you don't get blamed because you can't handle it he just wants attention that's it and he gets it so you got what you wanted potato well I don't want to be an abuser I don't want to be Abus you are though that's how you get attention you abuse people to get attention that's what you do sometimes not all the time but sometimes I don't think that's the reason
**[26:40]** he does it you don't do it to get attention you do it because it's like an emotion inside of you that you need to relase S of thing right no he uses his emotions as a weapon he's in way more control of his emotions than you guys realize he's wielding them right potato You' admitted that before you're not going to say so it's a little bit here and it's a little bit there okay bro like I'm
**[27:12]** not in full control of my emotions but I I know how to wield them very well well you said you want to hurt people you did admit that you want to hurt people but you don't want to hurt people and you know right so it's so as I said you know juice is not quite right it's a little bit here and it's a little bit there you know parts of it you know is controlling right but
**[27:41]** another part of it is that I can't control my emotions I can control how I express my emotions but I can't control exactly the emotions I feel always like so it's it's um it's a mix does it help relieve your pain when you were able to hurt others um hey potato since we're not on stream could you unmute the people that you have muted so we can have a conversation at least when I'm on stream can
**[28:13]** you unmute them please it's fine I'd like to hear from them it's fine I'm I'm trying to resolve the the problem so um uh so can you repeat the question again he threw me on I was wondering if it relieves your pain somewhat when you're able to hurt other people well it it does help but it's not like like it's not like it feels better you know what I mean like I don't feel good to L
**[28:45]** out at people like I'm not a sadist that's the thing is that I don't enjoy uh hurting people I don't enjoy so it doesn't make me feel better it just makes me feel more hurt so when I hurt I feel hurt I think the enoy he gets is like just releasing the emotion not necessarily abusing or yelling at people you know think you've told me this you it builds up and you like you have to it's
**[29:20]** like a pressure Val right so releasing the Motions is very good it's good for me because then I have said what I needed to say right and then maybe there can be a resolution to that because then I know how I feel and then and everybody else knows how I feel and then at least I'm being honest right and then um so it does make it does it is helpful and it does make me feel better
**[29:46]** in that sense but it's a double EDG sword if that makes sense right because on one hand it feels good to be able to express emotions and and get rid of them or share them or you know uh deplete them but on the other handal damage right on the other hand I feel I have a Consciousness I have a conscious right so I don't feel good about it okay well makes me feel guilt because I don't
**[30:22]** like it but that so so I only see one solution that is that I don't know how to control my emotions because I have to get rid of them I express it all the time people are bullying mentally handicapped people and I don't like it I wish they wouldn't because I don't know how to deal with all things I am less equipped to I might be very smart but I'm less equipped to do certain things and
**[30:46]** I need assistance like the government gives they they want to offer me more assistance with my life by the way and I've said it no because I don't TR trust them right but they want to give me several helpers just so you know like you know the thing I have requires help so it doesn't require people to like the opposite if that makes sense I don't need hindrances I am hind what you're really isolating yourself you
**[31:22]** really are right and I don't know how to do it because I feel hurt I feel extremely hurt and I wish people wouldn't betray me I wish people wouldn't cross me I people because that's how I just that's how I break everything down because I don't know who's my friend who's my enemy and who wants to when I feel bullied like that I feel people are behind my back and things like that I feel like the
**[31:49]** whole world is my enemy and of course I want to L up because it's something that I know from my life something that I felt in my life when I was growing up and it's not something I want to feel I don't want to feel like I'm 40 years old I'm still being bullied like it was like when I was 12 you don't understand what it was like for me growing up I didn't tell you everything
**[32:08]** that I've gone through but that doesn't you know whatever I understand what talking about so when you were younger you felt the same way as you feel now about people I feel bullied did you feel that people rejected you or that you rejected people I feel LIF out I think some of that you're doing to yourself but I understand like I don't feel like other people you know I just feel different I guess you know why
**[33:05]** I don't know why I just I'm just not like other people they don't you feel that way because you were scapegoated by an adult what you feel different than other people because you were scapegoated by an adult as a child that's true all my teachers told me that I was the problem and a closer person that's true my stepmother did that too that's why you feel that way but you're not so different than other people well
**[33:39]** that's why I don't want to take any blame for anything in my life because I've always been blamed and I've always and you know what I used to say yeah it's probably my fault yeah that's probably my fault even when people lied about me oh yeah I probably stole that oh yeah really did you know that's what I was that probably helped your situation at time well well in order for me to walk away and be
**[34:06]** different than that I also have to say no I don't subscribe to that I know I'm I know it's not my fault right because that's how I that's how I can get over it right is to say no I am assertive I [__] I did nothing wrong and the reason why I did nothing wrong it's because I don't want to take other people's blame anymore you know so yeah it's a maybe it's it is but that
**[34:33]** I don't that doesn't make me an abuser well just because it all comes down to I don't want to be bullied I don't want to be blamed I want to treat be treated with respect and dignity but yet people want to frame me or do [__] to my life or whatever of course it's the opposite of respect and dignity you see I think I understand I understand where you came from and I understand what you're saying
**[35:01]** so maybe now you why I would L out at anyone and everybody until consider this Tim okay what if you swung too far in the other direction what if you're over compensating for how you feel and you are pushing everyone away I understand that and that's why maybe you know the that's I don't know what to do about it because well it helps to talk about it and realize it's not your fault and it also helps
**[35:43]** to realize that even though you've been hurt well there you go it's not my fault no it's not but you're the only one that can do anything about it even though it's not your fault and that sucks you're the only one that can do anything about it I don't know what to do about it well I will say this okay and just hear me out just because you have been abused and mistreated which you have from
**[36:16]** childhood doesn't mean that you hurting other people is not abuse not that you are out to get people but you need to consider that um yeah I guess how many mental disorders can we label with me me with today you know what I don't think I really believe in labels I think humanity is [__] up well I am feeling labeled now no no labels you were just talking about your experiences and I was you must insist
**[37:19]** I'm an abuser everybody is and if you well if you got to point one out in the room okay well thanks thank you thank you I've been shitty to people and they've told me and I felt like [__] and I was wrong I don't know and and I still will be shitty to somebody and I'll feel it I'm I'm the abuser I'm sorry you're perfect all right you know if you if you leave every 3 seconds
**[37:57]** then people can't trust you either loyalty is a is a like a it is a currency I don't know why should I trust people why should I not abuse them how would I why should you not abuse people you tell me how would I ever find out if I can trust them if I don't squeeze them whoa that's not that's that was dark potato yeah yes how will I ever know if I trust that's not a
**[38:48]** way to look at human re interaction in my opinion not a good way to look at it I don't know who I can trust so you have to test people at least a little bit people are liers and they're dishonest and they're selfish and everything you have to test them you have to see how weak they are sorry I think uh well what I'm going to cut off that's pretty dark Tim I'm not going to lie
**[39:35]** yeah yeah yeah you could I mean it's you know guys could just label be with things all day you can paint me as a demon and vilify me that's what you doing your satanic cult right well is it maybe because you act like a villain sometimes I don't do anything you guys pain me like whatever I I keep saying I'm abused then you call me an abuser so apparently I'm the problem you're right no I'm the
**[40:08]** S Orit I'm the I'm the evil Orbiter in the like I am the orbitor of evil you're right I am Satan I just behavior and your I hate you all you all I'm going like a feedback Lo of I'm gonna eat eat all your family members well now you're just swinging way far in the other direction again cares what does it matter you know you're just gonna put it on me anyways right well I think self
**[40:36]** responsibility is a good thing sometimes sometimes you got to think what could I have done differently you know like you can't just say yeah it's everyone else's fault should I eat your babies should I come and stab everybody should have Rampage I [__] dare you we yeah exactly right so but that's I've been abused for many many years I I'm just surviving if you I mean deal with it honestly but you consider yourself a victim then
**[41:28]** there's nothing you can do yeah of course I'm you're at the whims of the world you're at the whims of the world well I'm a victim that's just like an entire victim mentality yeah I guess it is what a good thing to have if you want to initiate positive change in your life like you got to realize that there are things that you do that you only you can fix and you can't rely on other people
**[42:05]** to fix your problem I don't know what to do which is my biggest issue with you yeah like you need to understand that you've got more power in your life than you think sure I mean look I think you allow people in who uh abuse you you constantly let them back you know what's going to happen you expect them to change rather than you doing something about it you know like there's one thing just it's just
**[43:03]** a can't think of any but you essentially blame everyone else which is fair people do do shitty things that's right but a better attitude to have is what could I have done to prevented this situation like it's like sort of that external locus of control internal I tried I tried the other thing doesn't work okay in a sector you know I'm I'm I'm here I'm going to I'm going to paint the road and that's how it's
**[43:32]** going to be because I've been here the longest I know how it it is I don't know how like it's just it's just I don't know the reality of life is I survive I survive I survive just fine I'll be honest with No One's Gonna Save You Man uh no one no I I'm fine I'm fine I survived just fine save the guy down the road in the tent no going to save the lady down the
**[43:57]** road that's getting beat every night they'll have to save themselves just like you exactly so no one gives a [__] right so why why so don't [__] ask me to be nicer well you don't have to be nicer I'm just giving you some it's take control I know it's G to it's going to piss people off I don't know what to do about it I I keep saying I don't know what to do you want to
**[44:22]** blame me for something but I I don't know what to do where's rid have you thought about speaking to a therapist instead of a bunch of Internet retards I'm lost they specialize in this which they don't want everyone deing with [__] I've had their I don't trust I don't trust the government well if you don't trust anyone you I don't trust the government I don't I'm never going to talk with the government ever so like there's
**[44:55]** one thing that govern don't trust nobody okay so if you don't like it keep blaming me would you you're helping me you're not helping me can I ask you something would you trust I wouldn't no I wouldn't I don't trust anybody so how can you get help if you say I don't know what to do that's the thing I can't be help because I don't trust anybody that is my issue don't you [__] get it and
**[45:29]** you keep blaming me you [__] sacks of [__] I'll stop all of you I will stop all of you come to a resolution that's not this well you're not my friends my friends would not attack me like this you're stabbing me you're not my friends would okay this is this is called tough love potato okay fine then but I don't know what to do I can't stop it and I'm not going to stop it all right
**[46:02]** well then you I survive I survive if you have that attitude this is po Sur you guys are attacking me I survive just fine well if you're okay with it then I guess I have nothing to say I want to be nicer but but it's very hard for me well you'll have to change something well I don't like to be blamed then don't change anything y well I guess everyone's going to turn their back on me
**[46:44]** then and no one's going to love me why should anyone love you if you treat people like this I don't know I guess they shouldn't I guess I don't deserve love you're looking for unconditional love that is Parental love and that is something you need to talk to a therapist about okay well I don't trust a therapist who do you trust is there anyone me okay well you live in a society and everyone sort of helps
**[47:24]** each other out in certain ways you know I don't live in a society I live in my own world if you're not no you sort of created a little potato Society in this Discord channel right yeah that's the that's my world that's my life that is what I live inside yeah yeah it's still a society then right you're excluding yourself from everyone by by blaming yeah yeah people blame you but you also blame other people mhm
**[47:55]** yeah that's how it goes I'm my mirror but you're not you're you're a person I'm a Potato you're you're laughing as a potato a mechanism it's I'm a Potato can I tell you something interesting it's common for people who were scapegoated as children to become mirrors to other people it's a coping mechanism but it really doesn't allow you to be yourself okay well then stop blaming me or I don't know I'm not I can't be myself
**[48:38]** when I'm cornered like a dog you guys treat me like a dog you treat people like dogs are you kidding me okay well I don't want to do that but people I just reflect what I I don't want to be treated I don't want to be abused I keep saying it I don't want to be abused and harassed leave me alone stop st talking me I said it for nine years every day just you're just repeating
**[49:03]** yourself okay well then quit the [__] [__] and I need healing don't talk to you about your feelings okay fine I won't I don't know what you no you can talk about it but I all I'm saying is that I need healing if you want to see me express myself then I need space well we sort of suggested that like take a few hours off a week go see a therapist that'll that's proba best I don't
**[49:32]** have any money I'm broke I can't I can't afford anything I can't even afford a bus ticket I can't even afford coffee I mean you you can afford to smoke weed all day shut up shut your [__] mouth you know you don't don't [__] get into you don't pay nothing so don't you [__] tell me what you think that I don't want to have your stupid advice don't [__] [__] tell me to spend money shut the
**[49:53]** [__] up shut the [__] up I think you need it so I'm gonna back I don't want to have more advice I don't trust any of you I don't want to have advice from people I don't trust I don't think you guys are trying to help I think you guys are trying to uh talk me into mental disorders and I think that you are not helpful and you're not helping me you you're not trying to help
**[50:16]** me you are trying to make me a problem and you are all people try to help you people try to help you and you push them away you push them away help not helping me but I got to be honest this is not helping me okay what will help you let us know well I would appreciate if people can understand that I'm a victim of stalking harassment I'm not going to enable the victim mentality dude that
**[50:50]** is not going to be a good life for you I if I I didn't guys are satanic cult members and yeah I think the solution that you looking for isn't The Helpful solution I think you might be wrong in what yeah I don't want to talk anymore I think you told you're wrong that's that's here's the thing I'm going here's a new thing I'm not going to express myself with words going forward I will be a
**[51:25]** mute don't do this okay whatever perfect time to crucify yourself better I was talking about doing a crucifixion stream where for three days he lies on a cardboard crucifix it would be perfect if he's muted perfect it's like a I don't know like a performance art I guess that would be like art I'm trying to make a j potato yeah um you know I don't think we can really talk about potato because he's going to get
**[52:02]** angry at us so I don't know what to do I'm just going to mute him if I was just like yes you're right you're a victim you have no control over your life there's nothing you can do then what yeah e oh I'm free okay wait is anyone else gonna talk now everyone else is muted great love that oh hey hey guys how' you get free I don't know potato must thanks guys full potato I know
**[53:28]** thank you potato like you to get the conversation going JY huge talkers yeah I I think he left I know I was thinking that I was like oh my God this conversation gets a little dry sometimes without me but it's fine sometimes I need to shut up I get it no you don't ever listen to me no no sometimes she does sometimes she does okay you don't know me dude I don't think I've ever told you
**[53:58]** to shut up though have I well I know women yeah well true but I I keep telling you that you need to tell me what to do because sometimes I need that I need help you know I don't like telling people what to do unforunate that's can I tell you what to do or you don't do that either no F off then what is that then what are are you you're not a I don't get yeah
**[54:28]** but you okay well yeah okay you're unique okay maybe that's why I think I do like telling people what to do maybe I do what to do a lot hly you could D around a little bit you a little you know whatever just getting weird you need to get me no no two more months two more months then I'll think about it two more months I got this I'm going hit a year two months no but
**[54:56]** this happens I can have sex every day and I still masturbate every day you guys don't understand I'll still talk about it it doesn't matter what's in two months what so two months will be one year without sex I've been celibate and I want to hit a year so bad and it's so CL congratulations thank you thank you you know I appreciate it although you know let's hope I don't go off the deep in when I
**[55:21]** finally do start but you know that's the point I was trying to cool off I need to cool it off we just keep going and if you can go one year you can go two years go years go four years you get married of course but otherwise why not just keep it up won't it I feel like it'll just stop working like all of a sudden I just won't my py just won't work know I've ever
**[55:44]** heard it just feels that it uh feels that way dude not feel it's probably gonna happen like you might wake up [__] what is your [__] gonna fall off yeah well it's going to shrivel up like it's too okay whatever it's going to just tighten up and nothing's going to go in again that's what I'm worried about it's not really shriving that's [__] it's just gonna close what's gonna happen okay why is there a [__] hole
**[56:13]** here okay they were giving me [__] for being in a parking lot and I get it's 1: in the morning and all that but I am in a parking lot but I got to pee so bad I need to figure that out okay hold on I'm going to leave the parking lot and figure that out but I'm an hour away from home you know what I'm saying damn it well the only [__] that closes is those
**[56:31]** [__] [__] you're not male to female are you no no I'm not but they do I didn't know that that's like a it's like a open wound isn't it and they got to put things in there to keep open that's so disgusting yeah they call it dting it's disg I think if I was a trans like female I just wouldn't have I don't think I would have surgery I think I would just keep my dick you
**[56:55]** mean male female oh yeah yeah male yeah yeah like a trans female is a male female but yeah yeah yeah that yeah that's crazy to cut your dick off like that's so insane so [__] insane and then drill a hole in yourself like oh my God because okay because my ex dated a trans woman before me right and he gave me the Deets and he told me that having sex with that that type of [__] is
**[57:22]** not as good is nowhere near as good [__] yeah like all of it's bad I mean that's why I was you know that's what I'm saying I'm like it people that have trap fetishes dude love me because I'm actually a chick you know but can pull off like looking like a trans chick I guess I don't know why you'd be into that but people are it's weird okay and nothing's [__] open and this was Thanksgiving okay
**[57:54]** this was bad idea I'm going have to pee in a bush in a minute this is when it would be nice to have a dick damn it you get one of those GPS I'm dude I was at yeah I remember when I was younger and I would like be clubbing and [__] and one [__] just had one and we all tried it it was [__] great that thing I remember walking into the urinals once and um
**[58:23]** there's three girls there I'm like what the [__] if I walked into the wrong spot and they sort of like we were both looking at each other like Dearing headlights and it turns out they were just testing out their sheap oh my God hell's a sheep PE what is this it's like a cup it's like a cup yeah it allows you but like you sort of like you yeah you stand up and it's like they put
**[58:54]** it down there and like it redirects it like so it's like got a curve to itel but it's more like a like a c it's like a a curved thing that like makes it so it looks like so you can pece standing up basically yeah you have to carry that around in your purse I guess yes you do yeah you do have to carry that around oh okay cuz I've tried I don't know about other girls
**[59:22]** but I have absolutely tried peeing standing up and that does not work work no matter which way you try that does not work maybe if you had an Audi if you were an Audi [__] maybe that would work I do not so doesn't work wonder you're a mud dweller yeah you guys keep having to come down in the mud just to hang out with me now I guess that's my life you can't handle you for very
**[59:49]** long I love [Music]